How to Build Relationships with Your Students as the Music Teacher

It can be difficult knowing how to build relationships with your students as the music teacher.  For starters, you might see every student in the entire school.  Just thinking about memorizing their names can be hard enough.  In this blog post (and also the podcast episode that goes into more detail), you’ll discover that forming a relationship with your students is definitely possible.

 

It takes time

Think about any relationship in your life.  They didn’t just grow overnight, right?  It takes time!  The same goes for building relationships with your students.

How your relationship grows with your students depends on:

• Your student’s different personalities
• How long you’ve had each kiddo as a student
• How many students you have that come through your classroom doors
• If you’re at a new school

No matter what your particular situation looks like, just remember that relationships take time.  Don’t rush things and expect for you to have a good relationship with each student right away.  That’s just not realistic.

 

Learn your students names

In this blog post, I told you how to have a successful first day of school.  Everything I talked about in that blog post is so important, but so is learning your students names.

I know what you’re thinking, “but I have 700 students in my school.  How in the world am I supposed to learn everyone’s names?”  I totally get it!  But, it is still possible to learn their names.

Put a print out of each class with the students names on it at the front of the room.  Then, make it a goal each time you see each class to try to memorize between 3-5 names.  Then, by the end of the month (or a little longer than that) you should be well on your way to knowing all of the students names.

Another great way to learn everyone’s names is assigned seating.  Write their names in pencil on your seating chart (so if you need to erase or move kids around you can do that easily) and you’ll have this visual reminder in front of you each time you see the classes.

One last thing I want to say about learning your students names, is to make it a point to also pronounce their names correctly.  There will always be students with hard to pronounce names, but make it a point to try your best.  It’s the little things that go the furthest in the minds of your students.

 

Have a talk to me box

This is one of my absolute favorite ways to form relationships with students.  A “talk to me box” is just a simple box, whether you decorate a shoe box or empty cereal box, where the students can leave a note to you.  Have a few pieces of paper by the box with a pencil, and your students can write anything that’s on your heart.

This is a simple way to communicate with your students.  We all know that you see your students for only a limited amount of time a week.  So, you want to use those precious minutes to teach them music from the lesson plans you created. 

But, it’s so important you connect with your students on a personal level as well.  They want to tell you things that are totally unrelated to music, or ask questions, or even give feedback about a lesson (which we dive more into in this podcast episode.)  The perfect way to make sure you give your students a way to talk to you is by having the “talk to me box.”

 

Talk about things unrelated to music

I mentioned this in the previous section, but it’s so important you let your students talk to you about things that are unrelated to music.  Maybe during the first 5 minutes of class, students can tell you what they ate for dinner, what they did after school yesterday, about their latest vacation, etc.  Kids love to talk (obviously), and some definitely do more than others.

Limit the amount of students who can talk during the first 5 minutes.  Then, remind students that if they didn’t get to talk to you today, they can have a turn next time or to utilize the “talk to me box.”

But, since your time in the music room with your students is limited, find other ways to talk to them outside of the music room.  Make yourself available in the hallway before or after school.  Drop by the class parties when they’re going on.  Or even during car or bus duty, take the time to chat with a few of your students.  A little bit of conversation really goes a long way.

 

Say “hi” and welcome them

Are your students walking into the music room and you’re not waiting for them?  Don’t get me wrong, we all have had those days where we’re scrambling last minute to set up for our next class.  But, for the most part, make it a point to be at your classroom door and greet your students as they walk in.

Make an effort to say “hi” to your students and create a welcoming environment right from the beginning of the class time.  Your students sensing that you’re excited to have them in music will make them feel excited to be there!

 

 

 

Realize when it’s ok to stop teaching and come back to a lesson

Every teacher experiences rough class periods.  Sometimes your students will carry issues from somewhere else in the school building or from their home life that you don’t even know about into the music room. Kids are carrying so much with them sometimes.

When it’s a child having a hard time, you can have a conversation with them one on one to just let them know you care about them.  The simple act of letting you know they care about them will mean so much to them.

But, other times there will be a whole class issue.  The environment in that particular class that day is just off.  You’re not quite sure what’s going on, but whatever it is, it’s ok to just stop teaching and deal with the problem.  If you keep trying to teach a lesson while your students aren’t really mentally there that day, are they really listening to you?  Are they going to remember the lesson the next time you see them?  Will you be able to extend upon that lesson?  Probably not.

So, stop and have a class discussion.  This might sometimes just take 5 minutes and then you’ll be able to move on.  Have an open dialogue about how your students can better handle that situation next time.  You won’t have time to do this all the time, because you need to teach them music of course!  But, when you see there’s an issue, don’t ignore it.  Deal with it, come back to that particular lesson another day if needed, and move on.

 

Remember the students acting out might just need the most love

You’re going to have students come into your classroom who don’t like music class.  I talk about how to encourage them in this blog post.   Believe it or not, your most difficult and challenging students are a lot of times seeking the most love.  Sometimes school is the first time certain kids have ever had structure, procedures, and have heard the word “no.”

It takes time sometimes to just break down these kiddos tough exteriors.  Let them walk in the front of the line so you can have a quick conversation with them before they leave.  Give them a special job to do like handing out pencils.  Intentionally put this particular child next to the kids who are your encouragers.  This is of course easier said than done, and the last thing you want to do is show love to a student who is perpetually acting out.

Don’t take their behavior personally.  Most of the time, these students aren’t acting out just for you.  Take the time to brainstorm easy ways to love those “harder to love” kids.  Maybe it’s extra hugs or high fives or their very own sticker chart.  Or, it might even just be extra positive encouragement.  Sometimes, what happens when you’re consistent with not giving up and pouring into them with your words, you might see a few months or years down the road a behavior turn around in them.

 

Eat lunch with them sometimes

You probably just get a 25 minute lunch period.  The last thing you want to do after being with kids all day is eat lunch with the kids.  You’re craving adult interaction on a serious level by lunch time.  But, it honestly doesn’t have to be more than just once a week to every two weeks that you pop your head into the lunch room.  Or, maybe once every two weeks, you sit at a table of students you’ve been trying to connect with.

But, it doesn’t just have to be at lunch time.  You could pop in during their holiday parties or go out to the playground every once in a while to shoot the basketball around with some of your students.  Think of creative ways you can show up for your students in a unique way outside of just the music class period time.

 

Care about what music they care about

We already talked about ways to talk with your students about things other than music.  Another great way to connect with your students is by showing an interest in the music they’re interested in.  A lot of times, students disassociate the music they enjoy listening to (whether it’s hip-hop, pop, country, or whatever else) from the music you do in the music room.

Believe it or not, you can teach the standards through folk songs as well as popular songs.  They both have rhythms, steady beat, tempo, dynamics, and lots of other musical elements that would be great to explore together in the music room. Compare and contrast various songs as well so your students get that all music is music.

Make it a point to be familiar with the music your students like to listen to as well.  Talk about a great conversation starter.  Say some kind of surprising fact about one of your student’s favorite performing artists.  Then, start the conversation around that and keep it going.

 

Positive reinforcement goes a long way

We all know that positive reinforcement goes a long way.  Even in the middle of class time, if you see a child who is one of your kids who doesn’t typically participate, make it a point to tell them they’re doing a great job.

Or, maybe the difficult class you stopped to talk to last time is doing an amazing job the next time they come to you.  Make sure you tell them that!  Guess what?  They’ll want to continue doing the right thing in the music room, because they love hearing when they’re doing good.

You might be the only positive words these kiddos are hearing.  You honestly never know the difference you’re making in their little lives.  So, don’t stop.  Keep being an encourager, yes even on the hard days.  When you’re happy to be there, your students will be happy to be there as well.

 

 

What are ways you make it a point to build relationships with your students?  I’d love to hear all about it in the comments below or share your thoughts on social media as you share this post.   

Also, I’d love for you to share this post or any of the resources on my website with a friend or colleague who you know NEEDS to see it.

P.S.  Are you feeling frustrated or stuck as an elementary music teacher?  Check out these free resources to help you teach elementary music with confidence!

Also…I wrote a book called “Make A Note: What You Really Need To Know About Teaching Elementary Music” to help music teachers move forward in your teaching career.  You can get your copy here.